Growing up, many of us were taught about dating, sex, and relationships through magazines like Cosmopolitan or TV shows like Sex and The City, rather than learning about manifestation. However, a few years back, I discovered manifestation, and it completely transformed my life (which is the primary purpose of manifesting). With more individuals vouching for the Law of Attraction to enhance their wealth, success, or well-being, it was only natural for this principle to be applied to enhance love lives as well.
Many significant questions throughout history revolve around matters of the heart (“They love me; they love me not”), and everything from Shakespeare’s sonnets to Nancy Meyers’ rom-coms attempts to unlock the secret to a happy relationship. So, could manifestation truly be the key to acing dates and dating apps, enhancing your relationship, or feeling more content with your relationship status overall? I consulted with Dana Lord Lewis, a manifestation expert and the founder of Energy Think, to gather all her advice on how (and why!) manifestation can revolutionize your love life. Step away from swiping and continue reading to create a fulfilling love life in 2024.
Dana Lord Lewis, Energetics Expert and Founder of Energy Think
Dana Lord Lewis is a thought leader in the realm of manifestation and the founder of Energy Think, a science-based modality that coaches individuals to achieve their dream lives.
What is “manifesting” and how does it work?
Manifestation is currently a hot topic on TikTok and the New York Times Best Seller list, but the concept of the Law of Attraction is not new, as it originates from various philosophical and religious traditions. Manifestation has been explored in numerous self-help books and discussed by influential figures worldwide, from Oprah to Deepak Chopra to Iyanla Vanzant. The essence of manifesting involves shaping reality or attracting tangible things into your life through belief and attraction. For instance, if you think it, believe it, and take action, it will materialize (with “belief” and “action” being crucial, as mere wishful thinking isn’t adequate). However, that’s not the whole picture.
“When manifestation is talked about, it usually pertains to bringing a deliberate desire to fruition,” Lewis clarified. “However, manifestation also arises from the potentials of the subconscious mind. Many individuals are unaware that they have, on a subconscious level, summoned it. In essence, manifestation is not solely applicable when seeking a dream job, partner, or home; consciously or unconsciously, our thoughts, worries, and beliefs can manifest into reality as well.”
How can manifestation impact your dating life?
Given that we are continuously manifesting thoughts into existence (whether consciously or subconsciously), this can influence every aspect of our lives, including our romantic relationships. According to Lewis, she frequently observes the adverse effects of unconscious manifestation in relationships due to anxiety and fear. “Many limiting beliefs manifest in the dating arena. Our insecurities get triggered, leading us to act out of fear,” she stated. This might manifest as sending a text out of insecurity, avoiding sending a text to shield your vulnerability, juggling multiple dates simultaneously due to a fear of commitment, or seeking serious partners to feel secure.
Our insecurities manifest uniquely in our dating lives and relationships, hindering us from experiencing a fulfilling love life. “How you manage your energy when facing emotional challenges is crucial to prevent sabotaging a potential love life,” Lewis recommended. Just as we aim to break free from specific thought patterns and behaviors to avoid undesired love lives, we can also manifest what we desire.
3 steps to manifest a better love life:
1. Develop self-awareness
The Laws of Attraction do not involve demanding what you desire and expecting it to materialize like a spoiled child in a toy shop. Instead, these laws suggest that your behavior or self-perception attracts specific energies to you. Concerning dating, this means that the energy you emit will draw corresponding energies from potential partners. “How you internally treat yourself will be projected onto others,” Lewis emphasized. “This means that what you exude will be reciprocated, possibly in a different form but with similar qualities.” Therefore, the first crucial step is understanding the kind of energy you attract by enhancing self-awareness. How do you react under pressure? How do you address insecurities? Why do you seek (or avoid) a relationship?
2. Shift out of energy habits that don’t serve your goals
Once you recognize the energy you emit and what you genuinely desire, you can make changes to realize your aspirations. For instance, if you aspire to have a healthy, long-lasting relationship but harbor insecurities that trigger jealousy or control, you may subconsciously attract partners who fuel those insecurities. Address your insecurities and prioritize self-love to start attracting partners who will love you as you love yourself.
3. Take ownership of your life
According to Lewis, the most impactful step is the final one, labeled “Radical Self-Ownership.” You must genuinely trust and acknowledge that you are in control of your life. Life doesn’t happen to you; it happens by you. “The third step is when you comprehend that you are the architect of your reality, responsible for both its joy and its pain,” she elucidated. “When this authority is recognized and embraced, everything transforms, especially how you connect with those closest to you. Ultimately, the more you comprehend and embrace yourself, the more you will experience love with others.”
How to improve your love life if…
You’re single…
If you are feeling worn out or stressed about dating apps, online profiles, and planning in-person meetups, refrain from pushing forward in the hope of achieving your dream love life (since you won’t!). Note: Dating should not be draining; it should be enjoyable if you aim to manifest a better love life. “Dating becomes exhausting when fear surrounds it because fear is extremely depleting,” Lewis elaborated. “On removing fear, dating becomes a source of vitality.” Put simply, dating ought to be enjoyable. If it isn’t, you might be dating due to a fear of solitude or harbor excessive fears of rejection, hindering you from relishing the process (more details below).
Instead of dating from a place of fear, date from a place of pleasure. “This phase of life comes with numerous advantages,” Lewis pointed out. “If you are single, view it as a gift. If you desire a relationship and are single, remember that singlehood is a transient present. Better yourself during this time and try new experiences to challenge your existing worldview.” Moreover, acknowledge that every scenario serves a purpose—even phases of solitude, disappointing first dates, or hurtful ghosting. “Use this opportunity to surpass the longing for a relationship and unite with the part of you that rejects the notion that being ‘alone’ is negative.”
You’re in a relationship…
So, you’re in a relationship but seeking to enhance it? Whether you’ve been together for an extended period and the relationship feels stagnant or you’ve recently entered a relationship with communication issues, there are several strategies to manifest a better love life. Predictably, it all begins with enhancing self-awareness. Lewis recommended understanding how you channel energies, as these patterns can impact relationships. For instance, if you are exceedingly self-sacrificing, you might neglect yourself in favor of others, or if you are a perfectionist and self-critical, you may excessively critique your partner or the relationship. Furthermore, adopting the belief that your relationship hinders your pursuit of other dreams (e.g., relocating, having children, or securing your dream job) could lead to detachment and resentment.
Regarding areas that necessitate improvement within your relationship (barring toxic behaviors), Lewis contends that these reflect your internal energy state and self-perception. If you tend to give excessively to your partner, work on honoring your self-worth instead of expecting them to compensate. Likewise, if you habitually criticize your relationship, focus on treating yourself kindly, and your perception of your partner or relationship will evolve. “There are numerous actions you can take to align yourself better, fostering happiness and enhancing all relationships,” Lewis asserted.
You’re worried about rejection…
Now, for most of us: those who avoid dates due to a fear of not being accepted, or those who place undue pressure on relationships due to insecurity. When you fear rejection, you are essentially manifesting an unfavorable love life. Shift your mindset to recognize that rejection isn’t genuine (yes, seriously). “Feeling rejected occurs because we have rejected ourselves,” Lewis clarified. In essence, your perception of your relationships with others stems from your personal outlook. Hence, you can alter your perspective on undesirable dates, breakups, conflicts with your partner, or unresponsive Tinder matches to exclude rejection entirely.
Implementing a few fundamental adjustments can effect this shift. Lewis recommended dedicating more time to activities and individuals that bring you joy. For instance, consider reducing time with colleagues who dwell on relationship woes or office gossip and instead spend time with a friend passionate about yoga or a sibling devoted to a charitable cause. Apart from social circles, focus on nurturing your interests, self-care, and addressing past wounds through therapy or gratitude practices. Our fear of rejection only arises when we tie our self-worth to meeting the standards of others. Therefore, work on enhancing your self-worth. “When you live authentically, nurturing yourself, the approval of others becomes inconsequential,” Lewis affirmed.
